Perhaps I’m getting cynical, or maybe I always have been, but I often find myself irritated at various writers in various situations for the same damn reason every time. My family and friends also say I’m irritated by pretty weird stuff in general, so I thought it might be fun to list what annoys me most about writers, and other stuff.
5. Self published writers who claim they didnt’ go traditional because, “I just want to be read.”
Really? Is that all? That’s why you’ve spend months with that chunk of paper? So someone will read it? Okay, get a beta reader and be done with it. Someone read it, you are fulfilled. Right? If you just want to be read, don’t charge for your book when you do self publish it. That would make it get real read, real fast. After all, you aren’t in it to make money, right?
4. Writers who claim that they refuse to write in __________ genre or ___________ POV, because all but the genre/POV they have chosen are wrong and will not sell.
Let’s be honest, you don’t write in that POV or genre because you a) tried and failed, or b) don’t care to try and fail. Writing off an entire style of writing simply because you decide it is inferior is seriously limiting yourself. Hey, I don’t care if you want to do that, just don’t try to tell me that the POV or genre I choose is wrong or won’t sell, because at some point, I will prove you wrong. (actually, someone probably already has)
3. Writers who are unpublished/self published who claim traditional publishers are against them/us/you and will only publish established authors. In particular, seasoned authors (who should know better) who recommend to new authors that they give up trying before they even start.
COME ON! Okay, so it may not be for you, or perhaps this route is too hard for you or you don’t have the patience or the time to wait for your work to be appreciated, or to learn what you need to in order to write something good enough for a traditional publisher. Traditional publishers want something they know will sell. It’s a business folks. They treat it as such. It’s tough, it’s frustrating, it’s enough to make one want to build a bomb and…never mind. But traditional publishing isn’t going anywhere and no one is ‘against’ new writers. They’d love to get their hands on a fresh new talent who they can slap on the marketing train to a big payday. It’s our job to make sure they see that new author in our work.
2. The “I know all, have done all, and you can’t tell me differently because I have so much experience that I can’t possibly fail.” writer.
Piss off. That is all.
1. Writers who don’t want critique, but keep asking for it.
This type of writer annoys the shit out of me. The most annoying, although pretty close to number two for me. You know what? If you don’t want critique, feedback or suggestions, don’t join writing groups, workshops or classes. Just don’t. Don’t waste the time of those who want to learn and who want to improve their novels. Real writers know that offering gushing reviews full of rainbows and butterflies is not helpful and they just won’t do it. Lazy writers want accolades and love. Listen, if you want someone to pat you on the back for your brilliance, then let your friends and family read your writing, not serious writers. Do I sound especially upset about this? I am. I’ve read manuscripts for writers (at their request) and offered feedback, suggestions, etc. that have been completely shot down or, in a couple of cases, insulted. I don’t have a lot of time on my hands. I read because I learn from it and I like doing it. But if you’re not wanting honest, no bullshit kind of feedback, don’t waste my time. These people, I will never read for again. I see them in writing groups as well. They post something and as soon as they get feedback, they’re all over it. “Well it’s the style I prefer. I know its passive but passive is a subjective thing.” No, it is not. Shut up. If I notice these responses in writing and critique groups, I simply don’t read or comment on their work ever again.
5. Stupid Commercials
Yep. The Robaxacet commercials with those faceless puppet things with the pins in them? Hate those, can’t even watch them. I’ll leave the room if I don’t have the remote. I also hate obnoxious radio advertising and car commercials that always seem to be completely irrelavent. I change the channel just to avoid watching car advertising. Oh, and that Tide commercial. Cold weather is a Canadian sport? No self respecting Canadian would ever say they’ll stay inside and wait for warmer temperatures? It’s not because we LIKE the cold, stupid. If we waited for a warmer day in the winter, we’d never go outside. We certainly don’t say “Oh, it’s -30. Awesome! Let’s go see who can freeze their nuts off faster.” Dumbest commercial ever.
4. Close Talkers, Touchers, and Huggers
It’s called personal space for a reason people. Don’t crowd mine and you’ll keep your face intact. Close talkers bother me because I don’t like people breathing in my face or on me. Is that weird? Probably. I will wake up from a deep sleep if the person next to me turns to face me. I can’t handle that at all. Touchy people who are always picking lint from my clothes, touching my arm/hand/other body part, or fixing my hair or makeup drive me bonkers. I’ve ended friendships because I just couldn’t handle it. Seriously. Why do people do this? I can handle relatives and kids doing this because I guess it’s normal, excusable. But if you aren’t blood or too young to know better, just keep your damn hands to yourself. Last, the huggers. Ugh. Just keep away.
3. Waiting Rooms.
I’m impatient. I make no excuses for it. I just am. I hate waiting for anything. Putting something in the microwave kills me. One whole minute? Gasp! When I make an appointment, why is it so hard for the person on the other end of this arrangement to see me at the specified time? If you consistently ‘run over’ on all of your appointments, accomodate for this. I mean, you do this daily, learn how to schedule your time a little better. Five minutes to twenty minutes, I’m pretty okay with, but longer? You’re lucky I’m sick/in pain/have obvious roots because if I didn’t, I’d so walk out. Actually, I have walked out a few times.
2. Spontaneous Visitors.
Call. Before. You. Visit. Me.
My feet, your feet, their feet – all feet are nasty. Don’t touch mine. Don’t touch me with yours. Definitely don’t touch my feet with your feet. (shudders) We’ll get along just fine. I have become violent over this issue. Even my kids don’t mess with feet. No, I’ve never been violent with them. They just seemed to ‘know’ that feet were a no-no for Mommy. Oh, is that terrible? I don’t care. Like those of you who wash your hands obsessively and grease down your grocery cart with a bottle of sanitizer before shopping (WTF? How do you eat the food you buy from those dirty shelves? Do you know where it’s been?) I have my foot quirk. We’re all entitled to a tiny bit of OCD aren’t we?
So, that’s my top five peeves about writers and other stuff. I’m proud of myself. I didn’t get all nasty…well not real nasty, and I kept profanity to a minimum. There are specific writers who piss me off, but I’ll save that post for another day. What are your writer and stuff peeves?