Well, circle time is always fun on the edge, don’t you think? I do. Here, grab a stool, tell Clive what you’d like to drink and let’s share. What are we sharing this time? I thought we could play a little game. Well, not really a game. Sort of. Okay, it’s a game.
Imagine you have your favorite author sitting in front of you. He’s on his fourth margarita, and feeling the punch. You’ve softened him up with your charm and your wit, and he’s pretty much willing to tell you anything. (I’ll tell you a secret; I’m having a hard time imagining my favorite author. Clive all liquored up keeps creeping into the chair. I need help.)
Anyway, you can ask this author anything. I mean absolutely anything, and he’ll answer your question honestly. If he doesn’t…let’s say it doesn’t end well for him. Tell me, what five things would you want to know?
Now, let’s switch the fantasy to your least favorite author. One that annoys the shit out of you. Just the fact that he continues to breathe and write makes you want to smother tiny fluffy things. Same set up, what 5 things would you ask him?
*Note: Or her. Perhaps it’s a female. I don’t know. Him was simpler and all this politically correct he/she nonsense drives me batshit. My favorite is a man, so there you go. Suck it up.
Me?
Favorite Author (I have too many so I won’t name names and you don’t have to either)
1. Do you think there is a difference between “author” and “writer”?
2. A lot of writers claim they write to ‘be read’ and not to make money. Do you buy that? Why or why not?
3. Ebooks: The end of the paperback or a bunch of bullshit?
4. What advice would you give a newb about the publishing industry (and none of this keep trying crap, the truth)?
5. Which author makes you jealous and why?
Least Favorite Author (again, there are so many, I won’t name names)
1. What were you thinking when you wrote _______________?
2. Do you really feel you write well or did you just get lucky?
3. What’s the difference between an author and a writer?
4. Can you really justify charging people $____ for your book and wasting _____ hours of their life?
5. Is there a publishing couch? (because seriously, it’s the only thing that explains the exisitence of some bestsellers to me)
Ouch….
Dangling on the Edge of Insanity 
I'll settle for one question each.To my favorite author:What did you do to keep yourself motivated when things weren't going your way?To my least favorite author: (okay, I really liked your #5) I'll have to borrow that one.Some of the stuff being published today baffles me. I just finished reading a new but well-talked about author. Most of the book was too self-aware of itself. Very Mary-Sueish. Then toward the end, there was a brilliant chapter and I had to check the cover to make sure I was reading the same book. One great chapter in the whole book and it didn't even sound like the rest of the book. It boggles.
My favorite author questions would be tricky. I feel like I would just want to hang out with my favorite writer rather than pick his brain. Maybe I would ask where it all comes from and then spend a good amount of time gushing about how I wish I could make my brain come up with stuff like that.As for my least favorite author, I would ask some questions about their journey to publishing (to make sure they didn't get to cut corners on the Publishing Couch), but I would mostly try to remember that they may be in the first category for another reader. However much I may dislike his or her book(s), someone else liked them enough to publish and buy them.
If I'd ever get a chance to have a tipsy one-on-one with my favorite writer, I'd ask him the following:1. Did you have a story / idea / outrageous character in you that desperately insisted to be eternalized in a work of fiction –OR– did you want to be a famous author first, and then proceeded to pick your genre and your theme and pursue a career?2. Would you show me your very first novel's very first draft? Please? I so need the encouragement. *grin*3. Would you sign my jammies?On the other hand, my least favorite writer, if he'd ever have the privilege of drinking my margarita, I'd only ask one question. No real urge to have a conversation, after all he's drunk and since I can't stand him when he's at his peak, this is certainly not gonna be a very useful conversation for me.I'd ask him who his agent was. Just so I know whom not to query. Can't trust their taste. I'm sorry.Then I'd excuse myself and go roll around in bed with my now sacred jammies.
Awesome questions guys. Sadly, my jammies are far too…ugly to be shown in public. I'd just have him sign something else. I'm making notes, by the way. 😉