2012 was an asshole. I’m glad we said goodbye to it. One year ago, I had such plans. When January 1, 2012 arrived I was optimistic about my writing “career” and my personal life and I thought that this just might be “my” year.
Sigh. What a moron.
Aside from making a few new friends and launching OFW, not a whole lot of good came out of 2012. It will go down in my history as the year that totally fucked me. To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to that apocalypse, but the damn Mayans let me down.
The first few months weren’t bad; more of a blur actually, but in a good way. We hammered at OFW and I wrote and wrote and wrote some more, and then spring arrived and my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Everything in my world stopped momentarily, and then life kind of spun out of control. He fought hard, but we lost him on December 11. I can’t begin to describe the emptiness his absence left in my soul. People say that it gets easier and that’s probably true, but I don’t see how it ever gets less painful. I will miss that man until my last breath. Childish or not, I can only describe the entire experience as “not fair.”
While we struggled to deal with losing my dad, opportunity knocked on our door because opportunity’s an asshole like that. Likes to make an appearance when you’re all “Goddamn it I can’t even think right now!” You can’t ignore it because it’s opportunity for fucksakes, but you’re not really in a place to deal with any new shit either. So what do you do? Well in our case opportunity came for Kurt, and he naturally jumped at it after worrying over the matter until his head threatened to explode. I would’ve done the same and I’m proud of his decision, but it leaves me and the kids here and Kurt in British Columbia. Fodder for the gossip mill. Small towns are famous for it, and Tweed’s no different than the rest. There were rumors before he even left about how I was such a bitch he had to run across the country to get away from me. Yeah, I found it kind of amusing too.
How long will we live in separate time zones? Hard to say. One year, two…more. We’re not rushing anything, but the goal is for us to join him eventually. He’s a pain in the ass, but I realize after him being gone only a week that he’s one of the only people who gets my sense of humor. Sadly my kids just think I’m nuts because Kurt’s weirdness isn’t here to overshadow mine. The good thing to come out of this separation is that Kurt finally fixed the tub and the toilet. Guess he was afraid I might attempt it when he was gone.
So, I begin 2013 in a dark sort of limbo. I’m not sure my grief is even remotely dealt with, and I’m no further ahead in my publishing endeavors than I was last year at this time. The good news is I’ve got nowhere to go but up. Right? Plus, I believe my dad’s out there somewhere kicking the universe’s ass so that I might see some good luck for a change.
Now, I don’t usually make resolutions, but I do try to make goals for my work every January. If you want to call them resolutions, go right ahead. So what’s the plan for 2013? It depends on how 2012’s last attempts at publication turn out.
In November I participated in NaNoWriMo, something I’d resisted for a long time. The experience helped me refocus my writing energies and got me started on a potential series of paranormal novels. I’m still banging my head against the outline wall, but I think it has potential.
I also submitted to a couple of open calls from Random House and Harper Collins. It’s looking like those aren’t going to turn out as I’d hoped.
So, I’m giving Amazon’s Breakthrough Novel thing a go. I figure, why not have a rejection from every corner of the industry? But seriously, I’m thinking Jack might do pretty well in this contest. Sure, it’s highly likely he won’t get me to first place, but I expect him to make a good show.
After that? Well, I know many of you will be all “NO!!!” but I’ve decided to try something new this year. If my queries and such still see me standing where I am now after the Amazon contest is over, I’m sitting down and drawing up a plan to self-publish.
Don’t get too freaked out. My end goal is and will always be traditional publishing, but I can’t close my eyes to the many roads available to me, and I can’t ignore the fact that my current path hasn’t yielded results. What was it Einstein said? “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I don’t want to be insane. I’m cautiously optimistic about 2013.