The Day the Internet Went Down… And I Almost Died

On Wednesday I was happily puttering along on articles for my major clients (aka: the highest paying ones). I’d written a handful of them, confident I’d finish in time to meet the cut-off time for this pay period. I have a schedule of sorts, and I usually save heavy “work” writing for Wednesdays because that’s deadline day for my Friday paycheck. It’s all very complicated and shit, but I have a system and it worked.

Until the Internet said, “Fuck you, sister.”

Just as I finished revising the last article, the Internet went down. I did all the things you’re supposed to do when the Internet goes wonky. I restarted the modem, did a troubleshooting thing on my computer. It didn’t work.

So I called my IP, and they were all “I don’t know why you’re Internet isn’t working” because that’s what they always say. An hour or so on the phone and I was no further ahead. They transferred me to this person and that and then I finally got put through to a technician. He was very pleasant and you’ll all be pleased to know I didn’t once swear at anyone. I know, right! It’s amazing. Anyway, he’s all, “I’m going to put you on hold while I test your line.”

30 minutes later… “I don’t know why your Internet isn’t working.”

Sigh. So he says it must be my modem. Fantastic! We arrange for a technician to come the next day “between 12 and 6” and I hate those “all day” appointments, by the way. Really a pain in the ass.

So, by the time I got off the phone, and realized I should go to my mom’s house to submit the articles, I looked at the clock and realized it was too late anyway. The articles wouldn’t go through and my next paycheck will suck ass. (Yesterday I realized I’d written two of those articles in the wrong format anyway, so I wouldn’t have had them done in time anyway after the rewrite.)

Oh well, right? It happens. My problem then became what to do with the rest of my evening. I worked on the massive rewrite for False Prophet for a while. I’m now 1/3 of the way through, which is awesome. I’d only rewritten two chapters before this because I never focused long enough to really dig in. So this is good. It’s taking shape and it’s so much better than the original angle I took, keeping everyone in the dark until the end. It’s sometimes better when the reader knows what’s going on so she can be all “WTF?! Don’t do that!” Or “How can you not see what’s going on??!!” That’s fun, right?

I also cleaned. The floors are all swept, mopped and what not, and laundry is done and dishes, and I cooked a real supper and I even watched Supernatural. I love that show mostly because of Dean and Sam. Also because of Castiel. He’s pretty. And funny.

Anyway, my kids were like “God, I wish we had Internet,” mostly because they wanted me to leave them alone. I’ve trained them well, eh?

We went to bed early that night, because I couldn’t work, couldn’t write because I hit a wall with a particular scene and got all frustrated, and I couldn’t piss around on Facebook and such, so what else was I going to do? Thursday morning I woke early and was all “I’m so going to get cracking on Nefarious” which is the second book in the For the Love of Gods series. I managed a paragraph and realized I didn’t make coffee. The horror! So I went in and started that and turned. Something was different about the modem.

It worked!!

Nefarious was temporarily forgotten as I called my IP. They were all “Oh yeah, there was a line problem in your area.” And I asked why the folks I talked to last night didn’t know that and told me it was my modem and the guy was all, “I don’t know.” And I said “Of course you don’t.” So I canceled the tech appointment and went on my merry way.

On Thursdays I usually clean and take a break from work. I write a bit, but nothing heavy. It’s my “me” day. But I had these articles and I already cleaned the night before, so I was like “Woohoo! Writing time.” But then my sister-in-law texted me to remind me of my mother’s birthday (today), which for some reason I thought was farther away. I mean, I knew her birthday was today, but I thought I had more days in between.

So we went shopping and planned a birthday breakfast, got soaked, and I came home. I was actually suffering withdrawal at this point I think. I’m not sure, but I think I have a problem. It’s like my connection to the world was gone and I don’t go outside, so this was catastrophic.

Then, just a few minutes before the canceled tech appointment deadline of 6pm, the Internet guy showed up. I’m all “I canceled you.” And he’s all “I didn’t know that.” And I’m all “Of course you didn’t.” We both silently agreed that the company he works for is full of assholes. No, we didn’t need words. It was a moment. So he left and I’m kind of afraid it’ll crash again. I should’ve let him in.

This morning I go out with my kids to meet my mom for her birthday breakfast and there’s a Bell Canada truck at the neighbor’s house. The guy is on the ladder fiddling with the phone lines, and my neighbor is supervising and I’m all “Do. No. Fuck. Up. My. Internet.” I didn’t say that, but it was totally what I was thinking. The neighbor waved and said, “My phone’s been out since yesterday.” I replied, “That sucks.” And I moved along in case my presence tempted Fate into fucking me over again. The Bell guy looked like he might be in cahoots with Fate, so I gave him a look that said “I will find you and kill you if my Internet isn’t working when I get home.” He got it. I could tell.

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