So, I usually post my shit on the Edge. My thoughts, my feelings, my books, blah, blah, blah. But I know a shit ton of great writers who sometimes have better thoughts, feelings and books. So, I said to myself, how can I include their shit with my shit?
Every week (as long as I have victims—er—writers willing to participate) I’ll feature a new author as part of “The Old In & Out.” If you’re interested, let me know. I’ll pencil you in.
The first subject in this experiment is author, Katrina Monroe, whose debut novel, REAPER, will be published by Melange Books sometime in the near future. I beta read for Katrina, and this book is fantastic. Keep your eye out for it.
She was very cool about Clive helping me grill her, even though she has mixed feelings about his hotness. She’s never said anything, but I can tell. She secretly likes him as much as I do. Anyway, sit back and enjoy the ride as we go in and out of Katrina’s brain.
Renee: I firmly believe that every author has a character she’s secretly in love with, whether it’s one of your own, or one created by another author. Give us a name, and what makes him/her so fantastic?
Katrina: Lisbeth Salander, hands down. She’s hot, a total badass, and smart as hell. I didn’t even like the Millennium series but pushed through anyway just to read about Salander. Just say that name – Lisbeth – really let it roll around in your mouth. Hot.
R: Purple prose is kind of annoying. All those heaving bosoms, moist caves, and gloriously pulsating love clubs can overwhelm a reader. Some authors can add purple and create a pretty cool effect, though. Describe your favorite food in a purple way.
K: Pulsating love club? Seriously?
The fat shaft is hot in my hand. Steam billows from the tear I nibble in its head. It burns my tongue, but the desire to taste, to swallow, is more than I can handle. I delicately slide it over my tongue and take a big, squirting bite.
Ten points if you can guess what my favorite food is. Hint: Not a hot dog.
**I can’t even…I can’t guess. Anyone?**
R: Fantasy is a vast genre, so authors have a lot of inspiration for stories and characters. My personal favorites are gods and (yes, I’ll admit it) vampires. I could never write about werewolves and be perfectly happy, because I just don’t get the allure. If you were told you could never write about one type of fantastical character again (under penalty of torture, dismemberment and then death), which one would you throw off the cliff?
K: I’d be okay with never writing fairies. I’ve only written one which is still trapped in the black hole of a WIP, but she is more of a mob boss than a pixie. No glitter for her, thank you very much.
R: This one is easy: What author would you most like to spend time with (for whatever reason and no you don’t have to share the reason) and what would you ask him/her?
K: This one is so not easy, you liar. There are at least five names that jump into my head right away. Since you’re forcing me to choose, I’d have to say: Neil Gaiman.
This guy is the unofficial King of fairytale fantasy and my personal hero. I’m sure I would bombard him with typical fangirl questions about my favorite characters first, but then I would ask him: Does it ever get any easier? Then I’d steal a lock of his hair for my shrine. Err. I mean…
**It’s not weird to have a shrine. Right? Right!!??**
R: You find yourself stranded in a dark alley at night. Doesn’t matter how you got there, because it’s too late. You’re there. Shit’s happening. Focus! Okay, you have to make a decision. There is no escape. If you don’t decide, one of your loved ones gets it bad. Okay? We’re clear? Good. So, you’re confronted by a werewolf, a zombie, a god and a vampire. The only way out is to let one of these bad boys (or girls) turn you. Which do you choose? Why?
K: Vampire. I’m already a dark creature of the night, why not add a pair of fangs to the mix? Might get my kids to listen to me more often.
R: What sentence best describes your work ethic? Seriously. Yes, I want to know. Mine? “It’s all fun and games until you get an email.” Because I’m easily distracted. Okay, now it’s your turn.
K: I don’t wanna – okay, fine.
I bargain with myself every day: Make your word count and you’ll get Doctor Who and vodka as a reward. K? Cool.
R; Let’s pretend we live in a utopia, where everything’s awesome and we’re all perfect. How would we communicate in a perfect society?
K: Whose Utopia? Mine? If so, then we would all speak entirely in sarcasm and bad puns.
**I thought that’s the world we’re living in now, or is that just ours?**
R: Pennywise the Clown, Edward Cullen, Jessica Rabbit and the Fates walk into a bar. What happens next?
K: Edward takes two in the head and Pennywise laughs his creepy as fuck clown laugh. Then he gets a shot in the neck. Jessica Rabbit rushes to me for protection – which is smart because I’m the one wielding the gun. As we leave, engrossed in our twisted cartoon love, the Fates turn to each other and say, “I knew that was going to happen.”
R: Do you have a writing routine? What is it?
K: 9:15am Drop the little monsters off at school.
9:30am COFFEE AND WRITING – I go to the same Caribou Coffee shop adjoining a Half Price Books Store (because duh) and sit at the same table every weekday. I spend the first few minutes reading whatever I wrote the day before, then get on with the writing. I strive for at least 1k words.
11:00am Pack it up and go get the smaller monster because our school district SUCKS ASS and only offers half-day kindergarten for those of us who aren’t filthy rich.
After Kiddo Bedtime – VODKA (or whiskey, whatever was on sale) AND WRITING. Half of this always gets cut the next day, but I can usually salvage about 300-400 words of it.
Next day: AGAIN! (Ugh, fine).
R: Tell us one odd fact that people may now know (or want to know but we’re telling them anyway) about you.
K: I’m a picker; meaning whenever I see a pimple on my daughters or my girlfriend I HAVE TO POP IT. It’s a disgusting compulsion but I can’t help myself. It’s a disorder, really. They ought to drug me.
Thanks for playing along, Katrina. You’re awesomesauce. And I don’t judge on the picking. Ask my kids. They hate me.
Anyway, the rest of you hooligans can follow Katrina on Twitter for news on her new book, and she’s really just good entertainment. I’d say she’s almost funnier than me.
Tune in next week when we torture—did I say torture? Silly me, I meant when we meet Hanna Elizabeth, author of a cool little story titled “ Visions of Wool.” Her book is FREE tomorrow and Saturday (Sept. 20-21) so check it out. Seriously, it’s getting amazing reviews and how can you go wrong with FREE?