Happy Almost Halloween, kidlets. This instalment of The Old In and Out is extra special, because I convinced author Darke Conteur to play along. Darke is a stay at home mom with a passion for writing. She’s also Canadian, and we all know that makes her extra awesome.  She writes stories ranging from paranormal to science fiction, many of which have a Gothic flavor. When she’s not writing, Darke looks after one Husband, one son (Sithboy), two cats, one kitten, and a ghost dog.

So, are you ready for some giggles? Okay, let’s get on with the questions:

 

Renee: Purple prose is kind of annoying. All those heaving bosoms, moist caves, and gloriously pulsating love clubs can overwhelm a reader. Some authors can add purple and create a pretty cool effect, or they use it to add a bit of humor. Describe your favorite food in a purple way.

Darke: I really don’t have a favourite food. I like all food equally. Well, maybe not Brussels sprouts. Those should be outlawed.

**Agreed. They have no use except for torture.**

Fantasy is a vast genre, so authors have a lot of inspiration for stories and characters. My personal favorites are gods and (yes, I’ll admit it) vampires. I could never write about werewolves and be perfectly happy, because I just don’t get the allure. If you were told you could never write about one type of character again (under penalty of torture, dismemberment and then death), which one would you throw off the cliff?

Demons. I love demons. Well…not LITERALLY. You never know what to expect from a demon. All the other monsters have set limitations; you know what you’re getting with vampires and werewolves, but demons can get to you in ways that no other creature can. They’ve been the religious scapegoat for centuries for good reason because they’re so versatile. 

**Good point. I think I must research demons a little more.**

This one is easy: What author would you most like to spend time with (for whatever reason and no you don’t have to share the reason) and what would you ask him/her?

I don’t know. I’m not one of these people who just HAVE to buy a certain author’s book. I don’t go ape-shit like that. If I had to, I’d probably pick one of my author friends. 

Writing routines are recommended by the “experts.” I have some things I always do before and while writing that help me focus. For example, there must be coffee and an ugly housecoat involved. Music is also important. What’s the most important (or strangest) part of your writing routine?

Yeah, coffee’s a good start. I like to write in the morning and my routine goes something like this; turn kettle on. Brush teeth, wash and moisturize face. Make coffee. Clean litter box. Lock doors. Make sure both phones are close by (cell and home). If it’s cold out, make sure there’s fresh wood in the woodstove. Make sure there’s enough light to see. Plant ass. Write. If I deviate from this, my day is shot. Weird, eh?

**Not at all. I’m all about routine. If you throw a wrench into mine, shit gets scary really fast. **

You find yourself stranded in a dark alley at night. Doesn’t matter how you got there, because it’s too late. You’re there. Shit’s happening. Focus! Okay, you have to make a decision. There is no escape. If you don’t decide, one of your loved ones gets it bad. Okay? We’re clear? Good. So, you’re confronted by a werewolf, a zombie, a demon, and a vampire. The only way out is to let one of these bad boys (or girls) turn you. Which do you choose? Why?

Demon. Like I said earlier, they’re versatile. You can do more as a demon than any of the others, including turning the others in the alley into a pile of ash in a blink of an eye.

What sentence best describes your work ethic? Seriously. Yes, I want to know. Mine? It’s all fun and games until you get an email. Because I’m easily distracted. Okay, now it’s your turn.

I’m supposed to have a work ethic? I didn’t know that. I write when I feel like it, and if I don’t, doesn’t bother me. I don’t force myself to write either. If I’m not in the mood, I’m not in the mood. 

**Love this. **

Let’s pretend we live in a utopia, where everything’s awesome and we’re all perfect. How would we communicate in a perfect society?

Hand gestures. 

**Giggle.**

Pennywise the Clown, Edward Cullen, Jessica Rabbit and the Fates walk into a bar. What happens next?

I make popcorn because shit is about to get serious. Pennywise would take out Cullen in a micro-second (please, he’s a non-violent, emo vamp. I could take him out with a nail file) Jessica Rabbit would out last him only because her big boobs would enthrall the clown to the point of turning him into a drooling idiot. That gives the Fates time to step in and beat the snot out of with the Cullen’s dead body, leaving blood and entrails all over the place.    

**So they all hate Cullen. Makes sense. **

Writers are often labeled as weird, crazy or slightly strange, but we all know that’s not true. Still, it’s hard not to have some eccentricities when you spend so much time in your head. What’s one strange fact about yourself that readers might find a little crazy or odd?

I watch scary shows and scare myself. Some of the stories I write need that horror element, and I find the best way to learn how to do that is to watch scary shows. 

A strange man walks into your house. (It might happen) He’s wearing a wedding dress, which is covered in dirt and a mystery material that looks kind of like snot, but it’s blue, and he’s carrying a shovel with a bloody handle. What happens next?

I ask him how his day was and if he’d like something to drink. Seriously, do you think I’d confront someone carrying a possible weapon with blood on it? I’d throw a cat at him and run out the back door.

I’ve gotta say, Darke’s definitely upped the ante for answers. I can’t stop giggling. You guys can find Darke and her books on her Website. Her books (which I highly recommend you check out ) are available on Amazon and Smashwords.