Once I wrote a story as part of a series I was going to call “Bayou Babies.” It was titled “Rowan” because that’s how I title shit during the rough draft, and was about this girl who called up a demon. My initial plan was to have her go all badass and the demon would be this sexy beast kind of demon who saves her and blah, blah, blah. However, after researching demons I realized it wouldn’t be quite the happily ever after I had in mind. Then I scrapped the demon idea and “Rowan” sits gathering dust. Sigh. Anyway, demons are really fucking scary and you cannot control them. Nope. Not ever.

But that doesn’t mean it might not be worth calling one.

In honor of Halloween, the most special and fantastic time of year, I’ve compiled a list of the pros and cons of having your very own demon. So now when you’re pondering what to do tonight, and think, “Hey, let’s summon a demon,” (I mean, who hasn’t said that at least a couple of times?) you’ll have not even close to all the facts about demons.

Pro: Demons will kick whatever ass you name. You give your demon a name and bam! Tortured bastard. I have this list and I’m pretty sure it’s going to take supernatural efforts to get it done.

Con: Sometimes demons get a little out of control due to their overwhelming desire to get out of control. So you might end up settling scores with more than just the folks on your list. Demons tend to settle scores you didn’t even know you had.

Pro: Your demon might give you the opportunity to be immortal.

Con: You’d be immortal in Hell, which I hear is a tad on the warm side and there’s a lot of screaming and chaos and pain. Just ask the Winchester boys.

Pro: Aligning with a demon is better than with a vampire because they don’t need to feed on your blood.

Con: While they’re not fans of blood cocktails, demons do have a fondness for flesh and souls. That might be inconvenient.

Pro: A demon doesn’t take up much space. I think you can even carry some of them in your pocket. They call those “Pocket Demons,” I think.

Con: But most demons travel inside you. It’s kind of like being their meat suit, and you have no control over what you do when they’re in there. They’re kind of like tequila.

Pro: Demons work on a bartering system of “you do for me, and I shall do for you,” which is a very cost effective way to get everything you might desire.

Con: Usually the bartering lies heavily in the demon’s favor, and you can’t do shit about the unfairness of that. Oh, you can try, but you’d be dead. So there’s that.

Pro: Demons are kind of like genies, but better because you’re not limited to just three wishes.

Con: It’s no secret that demons are basically dicks. So, while they’re all about granting your wishes, you’ve gotta be really careful how you phrase that shit. They’ll find loopholes to take back whatever they’ve given you, or to fuck it all up so you end up getting the opposite of what you wanted.

Pro: You could rule the fucking world.

Con: You won’t have a soul.

This explains the folks running shit as we speak, does it not?

Got any pros and cons of demon summoning to share with the class?