I had a little fun with the boys at DeadPixel Publications’ blog. I might have given away our secrets, ladies. I’m talking about guys who want to write a female protagonist.
Don’t let us ladies scare you, because mostly we’re full of shit.
She did NOT just go there.
Oh the bitch went there.
Ready the Nair.
This whore’s getting scalped.
But seriously, I just read a book written by a man in the POV of a woman. I loved it, but I later learned he had the unfortunate luck of getting a female editor hell-bent on the perpetuation of this myth that women don’t do anything stereotypes say we do. Personally, I thought he did well. As a woman reading a female character in second person POV, I easily saw myself acting and thinking like her. Sure she fainted a lot, but I saw it as a quirk in the character’s personality, not gender related.
The truth is women are not a mystery. It’s not the vagina that makes it hard for men to write from a female POV, unless you’re trying to describe childbirth. That’s kind of a “You had to be there” sort of thing. (Tip: Go with horrible and messy and you’re on the right track.) Whenever you try to put yourself in any shoes but your own, you’re going to have to work to get it right, male or female.
I’d like to see more books written by men with a female protagonist, because most of my favorite authors happen to have testicles, so now and then I’d like to relate to the main character on another level. So here are some stereotypes you don’t have to avoid, because women are totally lying when we say they’re not true.
**Disclaimer** The following does not apply to every woman, as there are exceptions to everything. This information is generalized and based on knowing women of all ages with different backgrounds. I surveyed a few too, real official-like, which is best done, by the way, over drinks. We’re more honest like that. Also, I base the following on the fact that I’ve been a woman for most of my life.
Stereotype #1: The Emotional Roller Coaster
The only humans on the planet who aren’t emotional are broken. So let’s remember that. Women, though, have something called estrogen and PMS. (That means pre-menstrual syndrome, for the slow kids.) I don’t know about other women, but I can tell you that I am insane at least one week every month. I want to cry, throw things, beat people up, and sometimes just die. It’s not always dramatic or obvious, but this is what goes on in my head. I’m sensitive to the slightest negativity and can go from happy-go-lucky to homicidal bitch in less than a heartbeat. Women who claim they don’t cry over stupid shit are either robots or they’re lying. I don’t cry when I’m sad. Usually I do the angry cry, which is frustrating. But my point is everybody cries. Some of us just do it in private, over a glass of vodka and an episode of Supernatural.