I don’t do the New Year’s resolution shit, because I’m weak and never stick to anything I resolve to do. Really, such things are like setting ourselves up for failure anyway. When we fail, we hate our shitty lives, and then it’s depressing and we sink into a pit of self-loathing. Who wants that? Not this girl.

Instead of a post filled with my goals for 2015 (I really just want this year to NOT suck, so it’d be a pretty short post), I decided to review this blog and its readers. As I was looking over the stats and whatnot, my eye drifted to “search terms” which are the words, phrases, etc. folks punch into Google to find your blog or website. I think search terms say a lot about your blog readers. There were a few that searched my name, my books, or standard writing and book related things, and that’s good. These are terms that actually relate to my blog’s theme. However, a large number of search terms were… more interesting than that.

Let’s look at some of the top search terms for 2014:

Porn

“Porn” is a popular search term for folks winding up here on The Edge. I mean, very popular. You guys used things like:

• monster porn
• doing porn for quick cash
• some quick porn
• want some porn
• quick cash porn

And of course, the best one of all: renay miller porn anal cameltoe

Wow, buddy. Whoever you are, you are very specific about what you’re looking for…

Dangling genitals

Dangling is obviously going to be a referring search term, but guys, seriously? Dangling clits and dangling cocks? Come on now. There is none of that here.

… okay, maybe a little.

Rene Miller Fucking

If I’m fucking, I’m not sharing it with you guys. Let’s be clear on that. I’m sure you were looking for a different Renee, one who spells her name with one “e”. I hear she’s a skank. What? Stop looking at me like that. She shares her fucking on the Internet. If that doesn’t scream skank, I don’t know what does.

Reliable validated proven ancestry of charles martel

Whoever was looking for Mr. Martel’s ancestry was so disappointed.

Girl gets fuckit in asshole hardcan she loves it

I’m sorry—what?

Cowboy “never wore underwear”

Cowboys are dirty boys.

Move and hurts a lot

I doubt this reader got what he was looking for. My advice is to stop moving it if it hurts.

Women are dicks

Hot guys who look like greek gods

I wish such things were here on my blog.

Maybe you’ll see more gods in 2015.

Don’t stir the Christmas shit pot

Well… there’s an idea for a blog post, eh?

Hearing Elvis’ ghost at amusement fairgrounds

Someone’s been drinking the punch…

So, after viewing the search terms, I obviously wondered where you all went once you got here.

Top Ten Pages and Posts:

1. Home page
2. Creating Character: Love Interests
3. Writers and Research: The Truth
4. Slutty? Yeah, I am.
5. Want Some Quick Cash? Monster Porn May be the Answer
6. Getting Screwed and Other Whiny-Ass Complaints We Need to Shut Up About
7. About
8. A Few of the Things I’ve Learned from the Internet
9. I’m an Impostor, Are You?
10. On the Ghost of Elvis and His Summer Home in Tweed

Honorable Mentions:

1. Cocks and Clits: Porn vs. Erotica (the porn thing might be my fault)
2. Cookies and Shit, Because Katrina Monroe is a Dick, and Merry Christmas
3. Paranormal
4. Three Secrets to Publishing Success
5. Obligatory Motivational Post (You only get one or two of these a year, folks)

Okay, so maybe some of my titles are misleading and confusing to Google. Sorry to anyone who didn’t find what they were looking for.

Now, just for shits and giggles, let’s look at the posts that got the most shares in 2014:

1.      Self-Publishing: What I’ve Learned So Far
2.      It’s Almost Christmas, People Are Dicks, But You Can Do This
3.      The Muse: Writer’s Friend or Mythological Creature?
4.      Jack’s Official Launch & Other Bits
5.      Writers Are Weird, and We Like Butterflies

Four out of five are about writing, so I’d say this blog is a success. Thank you very much.

I’m going to do this dedicated author email thing Robert Brumm talked about recently, so instead of boring you with my blog stats, maybe I’ll have some interesting reader emails to discuss later. Or I’ll have nothing. We’ll see.

Anyway, I had a great 2014 for the most part, blog nonsense aside. I know it’s been a cruel prick to some of you, though, so here’s hoping you all make 2015 your bitch.

Oh, and also: